First of all, i wrote a haiku.
sing out thanksgivings
from inside frozen darkness -
spit in despair’s face.
Those words probably revealed more about my mood this morning than i wanted to give away. However, work soon swept me up. For the bulk of the day, i taught – from 2:15 until nearly 7:45. For an hour and a half, it was hands-on teaching on the wheel. But after that, they did not demand my attention all of that time, so i was able to unload a kiln and spiffy some of the studio between questions. One of my favorite pieces to emerge from that firing was a wee knitting bowl – child sized, i think – but with the most magnificent red i have seen in a pot. i do not know what kind of magic this glaze experienced during the firing, but i am grateful.
Starting about six o’clock, i figured my students were working independently enough that i began throwing. i had to put off this commission for close to two weeks, due to exhaustion and serious issues getting my limbs to do what i commanded. If i am writing and my hands malfunction, the worst result is a typo that might become part of an unfortunate tweet. Perhaps some swearing at the mouse which my fingers cannot move properly. But a lack of coordination can ruin a bag of clay quite quickly. Eight other bowls were thrown a few days ago (and were mentioned in this blog) but today i threw the rest. i was almost crying with gratitude when i threw the last one. It has been awhile since i’ve been able to function for that long, that well. To the right is a picture of the last bowl i threw and then pictures of all her sisters.
This level of work, that tactile sense of progress, helped to soothe the soul that was spitting at the darkness earlier in the day, but i am far from fine. My life feels horribly out of sync when i’m not actively working, so i find myself avoiding any kind of down time. Sleep or work. Even eating has been involving work somehow, writing as i move food into my mouth. Really, i will perform any act of creativity i can rather than confront this profound unsteadiness. i know avoidance does not work forever, but for now, i am doing what i can.
the moon lies to me.
she claims there is hope and light
but darkness guts me.
Now, i have to set an alarm for 3 am, so i can stagger back to the studio and wrap up the bowls so they don’t dry too quickly. Just as i typed those last words, i looked behind me and saw how Darwin the dog chose to end his day (see picture at left) i feel a little envious.
He is snoring so contentedly. His universe is in balance.